Grumbling Tummy

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We all know how the jokes start to flow after terror events so here’s a sample of the best so far:

Did you here that MacDonalds have announced the introduction of their new ‘Flaming MacMuslim Burger’ but regret it’s currently only available at the Glasgow Airport Drive Thru.

A car driven by muslims has reportedly been driven into the Ullswater reservoir. The police say its not linked to the London or Glasgow (Abbotsinch) car ‘bombs’, they believe its the start of RamaDam.

Police have named the terrorist as ‘Sinjed Maheed’!!!!

An Asian NHS doctor won the lottery at the weekend. It is a shame that he can not claim though… He burnt his ticket in a vehicle fire!

The terrorist who wiz driving the jeep at the airport is in hospital reciting poems and eating haggis and shortbread for dinner. Apparently he’s in the Burns unit.

1 can of petrol 5 quid
2 calor gas bottles 42 quid
2nd hand jeep two and a half grand
watchin a suicide bomber burn while
a glaswegian knocks lumps out of him….fuckin priceless.

The UN are consulting with Mr Smeaton about him reversing the effects of global warming. He was quoted as saying ‘Peice of pish!’

Only in Glasgow can some guy who sets out on a ?holy jihad? and destiny with 84 virgins in paradise end up on fire from head to toe, having a square go with a bystander and getting maced by the police. Get it right up you, mate! lol

Only in Glasgow do suicide bombers need rescuing from the locals by the Police.

Only in Glasgow when you pop out for a ciggy can you get a lite off a burning suicide bomber’s head.

Contrast the way terrorist attacks are handled by eyewitnesses in Glega compared with the US.

America:
“Oh my God! there was a man on fire, he was running about, I just ran
for my life..I thought I was gonna die, he got so close to me”

Glasgow:
“C*nt wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good boot,
then decked him”

America:
“I just wanna get home, away from here.. I just wanna get home, I
thought I was gonna die”

Glasgow:
“here shug, am no leaving here till am oan a f*ckin? plane!”

America:
“there was pandemonium, people were running in all directions, we didn?t
know what was happening, I thought I was gonna die”

Glasgow:
“F*ck this fir a kerry oan, moan we?ll get a pint in”

America:
“We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas canister, and was
trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna die, I just ran
for my life”

Glasgow:
“a swaggered by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even
open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot
to the baws”

America:
“there was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought I was
gonna die”

Glasgow:
“There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis
like that”

America:
“I’m too traumatized even to speak, I thought I was going to die”

Glasgow:
“here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan
the telly a want her tae tape it”

There was a young scotsman called Smeaton,
Who gave Al Queda a beatin,
he booted their baws,
in front of the law,
and left the cunts lying there greetin.

Technorati Tags: funny, Glasgow Airport, humor, humour, John Smeaton, terrorism