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At last the end date has come along for the abolition of road bridge tolls on the Forth and Tay road bridges. The BBC reports:

Transport Minister Stewart Stevenson has signed an order removing the tolls from 11 February.

The date was agreed with both bridge authorities after the legislation scrapping the tolls received Royal Assent.

Finally, the SNP led Scottish Government have redressed the injustice metered to the east coast by the last morally corrupt Scottish Labour administration after they abolished all the west coast tolls, but left the people of Fife paying both north and south to gain entry back to the Kingdom.

Technorati Tags: BBC, Forth Road Bridge, Scottish Government, Tay Road Bridge

Everyone knows gentlemen prefer blondes!

The new advertisement from Ryan Air has been “banned” by the Advertising Standards Agency, but the airline is sticking two fingers in the air to the ASA! I don’t see the problem myself.

As for those people who state is sexualises young girls, have you even noticed the way young woman dress these days! All the woman’s magazines send out a much stronger message to our youth than a short advertising campaign from an airline.

The BBC reports:

“We considered that her appearance and pose, in conjunction with the heading ‘Hottest’, appeared to link teenage girls with sexually provocative behaviour and was irresponsible and likely to cause serious or widespread offence,” the watchdog said.

What? The advertisement clearly shows a woman, not a child. Thirteen people complaining means the other 50 million plus folk in the UK don’t mind! Conclusion: the widespread opinion is NO offence has been caused.

The Ryan Air spokesman must win an award for their response:

“This isn’t advertising regulation, it is simply censorship. This bunch of unelected self-appointed dimwits are clearly incapable of fairly and impartially ruling on advertising.”

Political correctness gone crazy again.

Nice to see Ryan Air is standing up to these busy bodies by refusing to withdraw the advertisement.

Technorati Tags: ASA, BBC, Ryan Air

Technorati Tags: brat, kid, humor, humour, YouTube

Don’t swallow chewing gum!

Technorati Tags: chewing gum, government, health warning, humor, humour, joke

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

‘I would like a Sprite,’ said the first little piggy.

‘I would like a Coke,’ said the second little piggy.

‘I want beer, lots and lots of beer,’ said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

‘I want a nice big steak,’ said the first piggy.

‘I would like the salad plate,’ said the second piggy.

‘I want beer, lots and lots of beer,’ said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

‘I want a banana split,’ said the first piggy.

‘I want a cheesecake,’ said the second piggy.

‘I want beer, lots and lots of beer,’ exclaimed the third little piggy.

‘Pardon me for asking,’ said the waiter to the third little piggy, ‘But why have you only ordered beer all evening?’

You’re gonna LOVE me for this….

The third piggy says -

‘Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

Technorati Tags: humor, humour, joke, the three little pigs

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack..

‘Miss Whack, I’d like to get a £10,000 loan to take a holiday.’

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, ‘Sure. I have this,’ and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, ‘There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £10,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.’

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. ‘I mean, what in the world is this?’

(you’re gonna love this)

(its a real treat)

(a masterpiece)

(wait for it)

The bank manager looks back at her and says…
‘It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.’

(You’re singing it, aren’t you?  Yeah, I know you are……..)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!
Have a lovely day

Technorati Tags: frog, funny, humor, humour, joke

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Glasgow and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested he goes to learn more - ‘Can you give me some more details about this?’ he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Center man sorts through his files & replies - ‘Oh yes here it is : The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions. You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of £45,000, but you’re going to have to go to Inverness!

‘Oh why, is that where the job is?’

‘No sir - that’s the end of the queue!’

Technorati Tags: funny, humor, humour, joke

Another one for Barnze! He’d say they are all useless.

Technorati Tags: cat, for sale, funny, humor, humour, mouse

… the evil little fuckers!

Barnze will love this!

A few thoughts on cat baths…by The Cat:

‘But You Said You Loved Me!’

‘You will pay, as God is my witness, you will pay.’

‘Jesus, you call this water warm???’

‘I don’t think I like you anymore.’

‘You SUCK!!!!!!’

‘E.T. phone home……quick!’

‘No, I’m not your Good Little Kitty anymore.’

‘Traction….I’m losing Traction!’

‘I want my Mommmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!’

‘No, no, no, no…..NOOOO!!!!’

Technorati Tags: cat, cat bath, funny, humor, humour, kitty kat

DAVID  BLAINE  TEST

This is creepy! Very creepy indeed! How does he do it? How does it work? Try it for yourself!

Just follow the instructions and be amazed.

Think of a letter between A and W

Repeat it out loud as you scroll down

Keep going…

Don’t stop…

Think of an animal that begins with that letter

Repeat it out loud as you scroll down

Think of either a man’s or a woman’s name that begins with the last letter in the animal’s name

Almost there now…

Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers
of the hand you are not using to scroll down

Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level

Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines on your hand

Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?

Of course they F****ing don’t, you stupid half wit!

Now smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid online games!

Don’t tell the secret to others, just send them to this blog post to try it for themselves!

Technorati Tags: David Blaine, funny, humor, humour, mind trick

What a sad story….

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him!

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not currently capable of beating anyone.

Technorati Tags: court, England football team, funny, humor, humour

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied: “I didn’t recognize you.”

Technorati Tags: funny, god, humor, humour, joke

This is mildly amusing!

Technorati Tags: crappy roommates, funny, humor, humour, kassem g, YouTube

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN’S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay

And finally….. A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

NOW SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

Technorati Tags: dictionary, funny, humor, humour, men, woman

Technorati Tags: Apple, Bill Gates, funny, humor, humour, Mac, Microsoft, Steve Jobs, Windows