Grumbling Tummy

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Photo by Osarugon over on Flickr

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, “Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?”

The shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level, and says, “Do you want a widdle wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwon wabbit over there?”

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forwards and whispers, “I don’t weally fink my pyfon gives a phuk!”

Technorati Tags: jumour, humor, joke, rabbit

The BBC has a comprehensive round up of quotes from various politicians and political commentators where is it obvious who’s being partisan. However, one stands out from the rest as it is from an unbiased academic with no axe to grind.

JOHN CURTICE, STRATHCLYDE UNIVERSITY POLITICS PROFESSOR

The real problem is Wendy Alexander’s leadership more broadly was not much of a success.

Her performances in First Minister’s Questions against the First Minister Alex Salmond were widely criticised for being rather weak.

Secondly, her attempt to push the Labour Party where it is in a position where it said it wanted a referendum on independence and it wanted a referendum quickly, contradicting Gordon Brown’s position, that undoubtedly weakened her position.

Thirdly, in truth the lesson of this story is that Wendy Alexander actually mismanaged dealing with the problem of her leadership finance campaign once the story first emerged.

But my favourite comment so far was from fidothedog in response to my earlier Tribute to Wee Wendy blog post:

There is a point that without Labour to mock, the flaws of the SNP will be exposed. Although they have some, I am sure that it would take some serious fuckwittery to get to the level of Wendy & co in New Labour.

I just love the way that she gets caught, lies, gets exposed, then go’s on the attack, gets shown up for lying again, hauled up before the committee and then leaves.

Oh and whilst leaving denies all wrongdoing, blames everyone else and acts like a spoiled twat.

Still I see a book deal or somesuch aka Levy, puker Prescott, Pasha Blair etc etc.

Wendy Alexander needs to ask herself who placed the first dagger in her back. Who was involved in the initial leak about the dodgy donations? Could it perhaps be a New Labour insider? Perhaps not everyone in New Labour thought she was leadership material.

Let’s give the last word, for the time being, to Nicola Sturgeon, Deputy First Minister:

It’s not partisan, it’s not party political, it’s simply a decision taken based on that independent report.

“But clearly this event does signal the deep disintegration now happening to Labour north and south of the border. The key point is that they are disintegrating from within.

So Wendy, perhaps the deepest stab wounds were done with a New Labour partisan dagger “before thee”.

Technorati Tags: John Curtis, Nicola Sturgeon, Scottish Parliament, Wendy Alexander

In light of the resignation of Wendy Alexander as the Leader of the Labour Group in the Scottish Parliament, I think this is an opportune moment to come up with a tribute. Rather than use the usual  NuLabour type spin that we’ve all become accustomed to, I thought we’d do it in song!

Enjoy ….

I just couldn’t believe her blaming the SNP for a witch hunt. If anything, the top people of the SNP called off the attack dogs and were working hard to keep her at the top of the NuLabour dung heap. She was fighting a more effective campaign for Scottish independence than the nationalists could ever manage at this point in their grand plan!

Let’s see if any of the NuLabour MSPs want to step into the role of Leader of the Political Wilderness Party. Can’t wait to see NuLabour being decimated in Scotland… long overdue if you ask me. There are one or two of that lot who are skilled politicians and could give Alex Salmond a run for his money, but I don’t expect we’ll see any of them putting their name forward for leader until it looks like NuLabour are turning around their fortunes… so that will be a decade or two then!

My Gran would have been so proud to see the SNP doing so well. She and my grandad voted SNP for years, even during the times when they were nobodies in Scotland. It is just sad that she is only here in spirit :-(.  At least her spirit observed me putting the cross in the correct place at the last elections.

Technorati Tags: Scottish Parliament, So Long Fairwell, SNP, Sound of Music, Wendy Alexander

WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:
Definitely not!

WIFE:
Why not - don’t you like being married?

HUSBAND:
Of course I do.

WIFE:
Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

HUSBAND:
Okay, I’d get married again.

WIFE:
You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:
(makes audible groan).

WIFE:
Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:
Sure, it’s a great house.

WIFE:
Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:
Where else would we sleep?

WIFE:
Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND:
Probably, it is almost new

WIFE:
Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:
That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE:
Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:
No, she’s left-handed.

WIFE:
- - silence - -

HUSBAND:
F*#K

Technorati Tags: humor, humour, joke, husband, wife

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts ‘this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!’ and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. ‘Did anybody else here see my face?’.

The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.

‘Did anybody else see my face?’ he shouts again, waving his gun around.

There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner…………..’I think my missus caught a glimpse….’

Technorati Tags: bank raid, funny, humour, humor, joke

Just saw this clip on Rube Tube over on Channel 4 tonight:

The guy can dance.

Technorati Tags: Channel 4, dancing, Evolution of Dance, Rude Tube, YouTube

Freuchie Cricket Club had a special Centenary Cricket Festival this week. On Wednesday it saw Sussex Ladies flying up to Scotland to play Freuchie First XI in a friendly match in the beautiful Kingdom of Fife.

However, the ladies certainly weren’t for taking any prisoners, not even during practice between themselves… watch the video I captured and see what went down for yourself.

Ouch! It gets funnier and funnier the more times you watch it.

Technorati Tags: cricket, Fife, Freuchie, Freuchie Cricket Club, Sussex Ladies, Scotland

Poor wee Hazel Blear’s has had her laptop stolen. Normally I’d feel a load of sympathy for someone in this predicament, but not this poison chipmunk (insult borrowed from the NewPortCity blog). Maybe there is some sort of Conservative conspiracy operating this week to get all the NuLabour gingers thrown out of office! I’m just waiting to see some innocent ginger being caught in the cross fire… watch out Chris Evans.

We’re told there were a couple of low level government documents that aren’t really that up to date and have a classification of sensitivity that doesn’t even merit the slightest concern. Surely, the same rules should apply to her as to those civil servants that picked up the “British Rail” sandwich packs and put them away, all the time thinking they were top secret dossiers? Weren’t they instantly suspended pending an investigation? I’ve scoured the news websites, but can’t see any such announcement about wee Hazel.  I’m betting she won’t be doing the honourable thing until she gets pushed of the Brown Express as it leaves Shit Creek Station on the way to Extinctionville!

If she used it for constituency work then there must be data about private citizens on there surely? Could well be a breach of the Data Protection Act here, but where’s the toothless and worthless Richard “ICO” Thomas when you need him? Sounds like a big cover up is going on to keep her in a job.

Hopefully, Davie-Boy Cameron will really hammer home this issue at PMQs this week. Of course, Gordie will mumble something incomprehensible then throw us a clever curved ball about him still having a Home Office Minister, and one at that who doesn’t spitting out dummies and throw rattles out of the pram. Should be an interesting one if I can stay awake.

So what is my request to the thief… please, please give this laptop back to wee Hazel, but do it through a major news organisation that will exam it before handing it back to the NuLabour spin machine. You have a chance to reveal the truth to the world on this and be a big hero. 

Technorati Tags: data loss, DPA, Hazel Blears, ICO, theft

Just a shame I was too young to really appreciate what a hottie Debbie Harry was when this Blondie song first came out.

It’s also a fabulous pop song.

Technorati Tags: Blondie, Debbie Harry

Luke Akehurst, a Nu-Labour activist and councillor, has endeared himself to the blogosphere - NOT! What has he done, I can hear you say? Well he made this suggestion on his blog in response to the David Davis resignation over the civil liberties erosion:

Maybe instead of Labour fielding a candidate in Haltemprice & Howden we should find a Martin Bell type candidate - preferably a recently retired senior police officer, or a survivor or relative of a victim of a terrorist attack, to run under the following 5 word candidate description: “Independent - for detaining terrorism suspects”.

An idea so immorally abhorrent that his blog post has been deluged by comment after comment decrying his stance. Rachel, one of the people passing comment and a victim of the 7/7 bombings, made a strong case for why this view was so wrong. There is also other touching stories about terrorist atrocities in the comments, all made by people equally outrage with Luke’s idea. Well worth a read through.

Last time I checked the police force weren’t too happy with Nu-Labour, so I can’t see an ex-copper being that happy to stand up for the immoral goings on of the last weeks or two. Perhaps Luke should ask Jacqui Smith about her big day out at the Police Federation Conference! I wonder if the other ass-hole she was torn on that day has healed up yet?

One of his supporters even tried to suggest someone like Colonel Tim Collins, as a candidate. Newsflash Luke’s supporter, he’s campaigning alright, but alas it will be on the side of freedom, justice and liberty… and oh, that’s David Davis’ side in case you are too stupid to know what’s being hinted at here.

John Smeaton’s name was also in the frame on various blogs for a short time. I sent a strongly worded email to the Smeato to say why this was a VERY, VERY bad idea. Hopefully many other people did likewise and ensured he saw sense in this matter. It is being reported that he has now declared no interest in opposing David Davis.

So, in the spirit of the NewPortCity blog, I present to you Luke Akehurst…

Even better, he followed it up with this blog post, where he tries to say where he leads with ideas others follow. Personally, I don’t think using the views of a Daily Mirror article as proof that this is a good idea is a sound strategy to defuse this issue.

Since Luke is struggling to find someone, may I suggest we dig up one of the 7/7 victims and use the dead rotting corpse in the anti-Davis marketing campaign. Proof positive that 42 days is needed. The grave diggers have been busy and we’ve managed to find you a suitable 7/7 victim.

Technorati Tags: 42 days, 7/7, Colonel Tim Collins, David Davis, David Davis for Freedom, Jackie Smith, John Smeaton, London bombings, Luke Akehurst, politics, terrorism

I see David Davis has launched a campaign blog. Find it here.

Now to see if the media actually engages in this important debate around our freedoms, liberty and the growth of the surveillance society.

p.s. I’d like to point out that I’m not a Tory, never have been and never will be in the future! This really is an issue that rises above political allegiances.

Technorati Tags: David Davis, freedom, liberty, surveillance society

Something for Barnze from YouTube.

Technorati Tags: Barnze, cat fight, kitten, YouTube

The 2007 International Privacy Ranking shows the UK to be of the world leaders in the surveillance society - a real eye opener.

From the report:

• World leading surveillance schemes
• Lack of accountability and data breach disclosure law
• Commissioner has few powers
• Interception of communications is authorised by politician, evidence not used in court, and oversight is by commissioner who reports only once a year upon reviewing a subset of applications
• Hundreds of thousands of requests from government agencies to telecommunications providers for traffic data
• Data retention scheme took a significant step forward with the quiet changes based on EU law
• Plans are emerging regarding surveillance of communications networks for the protection of copyrighted content
• Despite data breaches, ‘joined-up government’ initiatives continue
• Identity scheme still planned to be the most invasive in the world, highly centralised and biometrics-driven; plan to issue all foreigners with cards in 2008 are continuing
• E-borders plans include increased data collection on travellers

The one saving grace is that Scotland fairs much better in the analysis than our counterparts in England and Wales:

England & Wales

• Inherited constitutional and statutory protections from UK Government and many of the policies
• National policies are not judged, e.g. Communications surveillance, border and trans-border issues
• Councils continue to spread surveillance policies, including RFID, CCTV, ID and data sharing, road user tracking
• Few democratic safeguards at local government level, even though local government may be more accountable to electorate because of smaller numbers, decisions do not appear to be informed by research, prototyping

Scotland

• Inherited constitutional and statutory protections from UK Government and only some of the policies
• National policies are not judged, e.g. Communications surveillance, border and trans-border issues
• Stronger protections on civil liberties
• DNA database is not as open to abuse as policy in England and Wales
• Identity policy is showing possibility of avoiding mistakes of UK Government
• Scottish government appears more responsive and open to informed debate than local governments in England

Today has also seen Elish Angiolini, the Lord Advocate, voicing her opposition against the need for the proposed forty two day detention without charge limit, which  will be voted upon on Wednesday at Westminster. The BBC has an interesting news report around this issue.

Generally, it would appear the Scottish Government and the Scots Law establishment are far better at balancing the need for surveillance against the rights of individual privacy and human rights in respect of the true threat. Seems like another reasons in the tick box for Scotland to be independent and bring even more common sense to the issue without interference from London!

Does anyone still believe we live in a free country?

Technorati Tags: privacy, Scots Law, security, surveillance

Results of recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue  in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the Hallway you both say ’screw you.’

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called: Australian Pension Sex.
* You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy your self.

PLEASE, DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.
I have enough problems

Technorati Tags: humour, humor, joke, sex

Green tax my ass! The latest proposal to make Vehicle Excise Duty (VED) increases for cars that are up to seven years old is a stealth tax. Yes, if we could have seen the tax coming seven years ago then maybe we wouldn’t have bought a particular model of car, but alas not enough of us have a crystal ball that works in a green tax way.

Get yourself over to the Unfair VED e-Petition on the No10 Downing Street website and get it signed!

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Remove the unfair and unjust retrospective Vehicle Execise Duty levy (back to 2001 year vehicles) as announced in the Budget on 12/3/08.

You know things aren’t right when even Green Peace say this isn’t a Green Tax! Mr Brown take the fingers out your ears and stop the “la la la” to hear what people are saying about your government. Feel free to give me a call and argue how this is a green tax.

It really is time for a change of government at Westminster. Alas, the only change we’ll get is to switch over to that other crowd, the Nu Conservatives! Five or ten years down the line we’ll be switching back to “New New New Labour” to fix the stuff the Tories have buggered up. Anyone for more “Seesaw Margery Daw”?

Technorati Tags: Conservatives, Downing Street, e-Petition, Green Peace, green tax, Labour, No10, Seesaw Margery Daw, stealth tax, Tory, VED, Vehicle Excise Duty, Westminster