Archive for August, 2008
Lipstick in Schools
According to a news report, a certain private school in Newcastle upon Tyne was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally, the Headmistress decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little Geordie ‘Princesses’). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers…. and then there are educators.
Bob’s Birthday Outing
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, ‘Hey, Bob! How ya doin?’
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
‘Oh no,’ says Bob. ‘He’s in my bowling league.’
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ‘How did she know that you drink Budweiser?’
‘I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.’
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, ‘Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance?’
Bob’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it . She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, ‘Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.’
BOB’s funeral will be on Friday.
Sectarian Pandas
Celtic minded people all over the globe are in outrage over what appears to be a blatant act of sectarianism by 2 bigotted pandas.
Celebrity fans like Rod Stewart, Bono, Michelle McManus, Juan Ghuy, Dr Death John Reid and the Japanese Prime Minister have came out and slammed these panda’s for inciting a sensitive issue.
A season ticket holder in the Lisbon Lions stand, Fergal O’Fended raged, “Its pure sectarian am pure raging, couldnae even bring masel tae cash ma Giro, no wit a mean? Ah’m off tae get ma pal Declan and we’re having a bhoycott in the car park!! SACK THE BOARD!!”
Here are the 2 disgraceful panda’s caught in the act……
Technorati Tags: Celtic, pandas, sectarianism
What Goes Around Comes Around
Strange how the plot never changes!
Technorati Tags: 2D TV, Gordon Brown, Labour, Tony Blair
