A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.
A Gamekeeper shouts, ‘Dinnae drink thon waater! It’s foo ae coo’s keech an’ pish!’
The man replies, ‘My Good fellow, I’m English. Could you repeat that in English for me.’
The keeper replies, ‘I said, use two hands – you spill less that way!!!
Thanks to the Lone Voice for this one….
Three doctors are bragging about their country’s medical achievements.
The Israeli doctor starts by saying “medicine in my country is so advanced we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him up and looking for work in six weeks”.
The German doctor says “that’s nothing, in Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks”.
Not to be out done the English doctor says, “we can take an arsehole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street, and have half the fucking country looking for work within 24 hours”.
Here’s hoping the good folk of Glenrothes makes the right choice in a few weeks!
We all know those cute little computer symbols called ‘emoticons,’ where:
means a smile and
is a frown.
Well, how about some ‘ARSE-ICONS?’ Here goes:
(_!_) a regular arse
(__!__) a fat arse
(!) a tight arse
(_*_) a sore arse
{_!_} a swishy arse
(_o_) an arse that’s been around
(_x_) kiss my arse
(_X_) leave my arse alone
(_zzz_) a tired arse
(_E=mc 2_) a smart arse
(_$_) Money coming out of his arse
(_?_) Dumb arse
You have just been e-mooned!
A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.
The little boy asks: “Can I have a beer Grandpa?”
Grandpa replies: “Can your pecker touch your ass?”
The little boy answered : “No Grandpa. It’s just a little pecker”.
Gramps says: “Well then, you’re not man enough to have a beer”.
A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.
The little boy asks: “Can I have a cigar Grandpa?”
Once again, Grandpa asks: “Can your pecker touch your ass?”
Once again the little boy replies, “No, it’s too little”.
Gramps replies, “Then you’re not man enough to have a cigar”.
A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies.
Grandpa asks, “Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?”
The boy ask, “Can your pecker touch your ass?”
Gramps replies , “Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass”.
The little boy replies, “Then go fuck yourself. Grandma made these for me”.
You’ve probably noticed the lack of posts of late. Well on the 13th August my life was devastated by a flood that wrecked the bottom floor of my home and wrote off the Scooby (Subaru Impreza)! Many other people were also badly affected here in Freuchie, Fife.
In the meantime, a number of the flood survivors and other interested parties have got together to form Freuchie Flood Action Group (FFAG) to fight for improvements in flood prevention and protection. Been busy with getting this going, speaking to the media, communicating with officialdom and all the fall out from the flooding, hence the lack of blog posts. Normal service should resume shortly when some normality comes back to my life!
On a more positive note, at least I’ve now got a replacement car: a 2002 Citroen C5 Hdi with only 27k miles on the clock and completely minted. Just waiting on the Police arriving as I basically stole it based on what I paid!
Technorati Tags: Citroen, FFAG, flood, Freuchie, Freuchie, Freuchie Flood Action Group
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