I’ve loved watching Battlestar Galactica over the last four years. Last night the ultimate episode aired on Sky One in the UK, an event on which I’d be patiently waiting for months. The first half of the finale night was up to the usual high standards, but what the frak was the rest about!
The Adam-and-Eve ending is a terrible sci-fi cliche, even though Rod Serling managed to get away with it in one of his classic Twilight Zone episodes. It’s creative writing 101: If you’re writing a dystopian science-fiction tale, do not write an Adam-and-Eve ending. It’s already been done countless times, and better.
Anders should have taken the show writers and producers on the final joy ride into Earth’s sun! You guys made a clusterfrak with that ending. I couldn’t believe it was the same show I was watching last night as the one I’d spent the last few years enjoying! You’re a bunch of motherfrakers for wrecking a great series!
Here’s hoping the spin-off series, “Caprica”, is more BSG pre-finale episode rather than that excuse of a last hour. I’ll don’t think I’ll bother if it is going to continue in a similar vein as BSG ended.
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes.
Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
You’ve been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop…
Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
Chances are you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;
how’s it hingin
clarty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba’-heid
baw bag
dubble nugget
And finally a wee piece of Glesga humour……
A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, ‘Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?’ ‘Naw,’ replies the butcher. ‘It’s jist ma haun’s ah’m heatin’.
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him!" she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I’m afraid I can’t," breathed the bartender.. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him…" she whispered, "There’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won’t be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything… He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says, "What’s the food like here?"
The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees!”
If the global crisis continues at the present rate of greed, by the end of this year only two banks will be left operational … the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank!
When these two banks merge it would be run by ‘ bloody wankers’….
