Elephant in the Room
Best political video I’ve seen describing the financial crisis!
With thanks to The Lone Voice.
Technorati Tags: financial crisis, humour, humor, politics
Archive for September, 2009
Irish Boy’s Confession
‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl’.
The priest asks, ‘Is that you, Dicky?’
‘Yes, Father, it is.’
‘And who was the girl you were with?’
‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.’
‘Well, Dicky, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Mary Walsh?’
‘I cannot say.’
‘Was it Teresa Brown?’
‘I’ll never tell.’
‘Was it Margaret Doyle?’
‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’
‘Was it Anne O’ Neil?’
‘My lips are sealed.’
‘Was it Catherine O’ Tool, then?’
‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’
The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped Dicky, and I admire that but you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.’
Dicky walks back to his pew, and his friend Tommy slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’
’4 Months holiday and five good leads’.
Remote Viewing
Well I’ll play along with Derren Brown tonight. The object I got was a bicycle or something of that shape. Earlier in the show I got an elephant, but put it aside in favour of the bike.
Not long before we find out if I’m right!
Technorati Tags: Derren Brown, remote viewing
Stuck to Your Seat
Derren Brown has done it again! Yes, made me waste another Friday evening watching his hour long mumblings about how he was going to “Control The Nation”. Luckily I found this preview video just in time to stop him working his magic on me. Needless to say I wasn’t stuck to my seat.
Technorati Tags: Control The Nation, Derren Brown
Single vs Engaged vs Married
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered towards her friends and said, "Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend’s office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That’s pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning.. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma’s. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, ‘Hey, Batman, what’s for dinner?"
Nine Phrases Women Use
Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm.. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine..
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’)..
Whatever
Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!
Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, because they know it’s true!!!
Technorati Tags: humor, humour, joke, words of wisdom
The Affair
For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife ..
‘Honey!,’ she enquired, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’
‘Just give it to me and I’ll explain it later’, he replied.
She did, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
