Archive for August, 2010

Just a Tap…

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab,  nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from  a  large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I’m sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab.  I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

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Computer Gender

SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’

‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapis.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ‘computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the
feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible
later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

(Now look what is generalisation of women group!!!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
(‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model..

The women won.

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Cheap Flights

Some “Word of Wisdom” sung by Fascinating Aida….

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Speed Cameras Cause Accidents

An interesting article on how speed cameras actually cause up to 28,000 accidents per year.

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The Old Golfer

Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That’s it," he tells his wife. "I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I’ve hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went."

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That’s no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I don’t remember."

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Cleanup on aisle 25

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.

‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.

‘Put them back, we can’t afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.

‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,’ replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.’

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Pub Quiz

My team lost the pub quiz last night by 1 point.

The last question was:

“Where do most women have curly hair?”

……. apparently the correct answer is Africa!

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