Grumbling Tummy

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I was testing the children in my local Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.

I asked them, ‘If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?’

‘NO!’ the children answered.

‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?’

Again, the answer was, ‘NO!’

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

‘Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my wife would that get me into Heaven?’, I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, ‘NO!’

I was just bursting with pride for them.

Well, I continued,’then how can I get into Heaven?’

A six-year-old boy from Glasgow shouted out, ‘YOU’VE GOT TAE BE FUCKIN’ DEID’

Technorati Tags: Glesga,  humor,  humour, joke

Anyone remember Dick Dastardly and Muttley?

No? This YouTube video, from the opening credits of “Dastardly and Muttley in their Flying Machines”, might remind you!

Seems their dastardly mission was a success at last! This little fellow (photo below) was spotted a few weeks back taking a pitstop in my Freuchie garden.

That’s the second time such an incident has happened within the confines of my garden! The last time, the pigeon refused to “move along” and continue on its homeward flight to Falkirk. A local pigeon fancier had to come and retrieve the little fellow. He told me it had probably been scared out the air by a hawk and most likely wasn’t brave enough to take flight again for fear of being a main course! Sounds more chicken than pigeon!

Technorati Tags: Dastardly and Muttley, Freuchie, hawk, pigeon

The Manchester Piccadilly Gardens big screen failure has eventually been diagnosed. A photo has been taken of the reason for it breaking on the day of the UEFA Cup Final between FC Zenit and Rangers Football Club.

Technorati Tags: Celtic, humour, humor, joke, Manchester, Rangers, UEFA Cup

Yet again the Competition Commission has failed to deal with the big bully boy supermarkets. They failed to deal with the issues of how the supermarkets are killing local small businesses and in particular the High Street!

Yes, they’ve done more this time around than previous investigations, but the bullies are still going to be in a position to cripple their small business suppliers, the small business competition and the High Street in general.

Have a look here for the BBC’s report on it.

Sign this No10 Downing Street petition if you’d like to see some change:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Secure the future of small shops across the UK and safeguard the choice and competition that people expect in the market place

Go on, spend a minute to save your local shops and businesses.

Technorati Tags: BBC, Competition Commission, High Street, petition, supermarket

A wee update on the earlier TWS post, no not Total Whore Sucubus, but Trisha Walsh-Smith, the latest big video on YouTube and now a general Internet phenomenon, but not in a good way!

Boy, oh boy!!! Did she get it well wrong, or did she get it well wrong? Well wrong it will be then! The vast majority of the feedback on the Internet has derided her antics, but there are remnants of sympathy for this shallow money grabbing schemer. My personal favourite in the "I Love TWS" camp is this "who at all the pies" clueless lesbo:

Perhaps if she actually knew TWS before coming to her own conclusion then she wouldn’t look like such a complete c*nt today. A Mail on Sunday news article says it all about the character and morals of this attention seeking sucubus. Even if only a small portion of it is true then she really isn’t a nice person and doesn’t deserve our empathy / sympathy.

Philip J. Smith you need to use all your fortune to defeat this woman and show this kind of behaviour is unacceptable. We don’t want to see YouTube full of this kind of rude and inappropriate material. She cannot be allowed to win… do you hear us Philip, under no circumstances must she be allowed to win!

Technorati Tags: Philip J. Smith, Philip Smith, sucubus, Trish Walsh-Smith, Trish Walsh Smith, YouTube

That will be me eternally damned. See everyone in hell.

Technorati Tags: Catholic, funny, humor, humour, joke

Just as well Barnze lives in Nottingham, as he’d be bang in trouble if he was north of the border! The Scottish Government is looking for comment on their “Consultation on the Draft Cat Welfare Code of Practice: A Consultation Document issued by the Rural Directorate of the Scottish Government“.

Having said that, Section 5 has an interesting sentence:

It may be necessary, in the event of incurable illness, old age or, more suddenly, in the event of an accident, to arrange the euthanasia of your cat

So if the wee felines have a “little accident” then euthanasia is the answer!

But, he’d be getting gang rapped at “Her Majesty’s Pleasure” in Barlinnie Prison based on one of the next sentences:

The cat’s welfare must always come first.

Just bite down hard on the pillow mate and think of England :-).

[Source: The Register]

Technorati Tags: Barnze, cats, cat welfare, humor, humour, Scottish Government

Oh dear!

Technorati Tags: piggie bank

At last the end date has come along for the abolition of road bridge tolls on the Forth and Tay road bridges. The BBC reports:

Transport Minister Stewart Stevenson has signed an order removing the tolls from 11 February.

The date was agreed with both bridge authorities after the legislation scrapping the tolls received Royal Assent.

Finally, the SNP led Scottish Government have redressed the injustice metered to the east coast by the last morally corrupt Scottish Labour administration after they abolished all the west coast tolls, but left the people of Fife paying both north and south to gain entry back to the Kingdom.

Technorati Tags: BBC, Forth Road Bridge, Scottish Government, Tay Road Bridge

No doubt many of you will be aware of our beloved MPs voting to exempt themselves from the Freedom of Information Act. The full list of how MPs voted on this amendment can be found here. Shame on those who voted in the “aye” lobby.

We’ll now you have the chance to voice your concern.

Technorati Tags: Downing Street, e-petition, Freedom of Infomation, FOI, MP, No10, Parliament, politics

Just as our beloved leader Tony Bliar was announcing his resignation, the news that the ID card scheme had risen to £5bn was quietly slipped out. It is sheer coincidence that the news was one month late and was being released at the same time as Tony was informing us of his departure timetable. The simple fact that the delay breaks the law seems to have been forgotten!

People are now well aware of the “Jo Moore” tactic and the radar is switched on to see what other bad news is being buried on days such as today.

Technorati Tags: good day to bury bad news, government spending, ID cards, Jo Moore, Tony Blair

Pat the Chooks has a very interesting blog post explaining one person’s experience of watching the Scottish Parliamentary Election and count unfold.

For those of you looking for a light-hearted analysis then consider visiting this one and follow the links to The Daily Mash - that is one hilarious blog.

Technorati Tags: election, fiasco, satire, Scottish Parliament

Nothing dodgy going on here! Just sheer coincidence that Lord Kinnock is on the board of the company responsible for the Scottish Parliamentary election count.

Technorati Tags: DRS, Lord Kinnock, Scottish Parliament

Scottish Election 2007 Results - enough said :-D.

Gran would have been ecstatic.

It is quite alarming the dominance of Labour in the central belt of Scotland. When will people in Glasgow, Edinburgh and inbetween realise they don’t need to vote for Labour simply because their father and grandfather voted Labour! They have a choice and can vote for parties other than Tony’s Gordon’s croonies.

In areas like Airdrie & Shotts they still voted in their droves to keep Labour, even although it was the Lib-Lab administration who’d made the plan to close their local A&E. The SNP had given a manifesto commitment to reverse this decision, so WTF were these people thinking!

Technorati Tags: election, Scottish Parliament, SNP, victory, voting

Mr Thistle’s vote certainly went the right way, which makes the few minutes driving him to the polling station very worthwhile.

It is truly a great shame that so many people didn’t take the time to understand the voting systems and how to place their mark on the ballot papers. The information leaflets through the door and included with the postal voting paperwork explained it reasonably well.

The Scottish people have seen through the Labour hoodwinking scam of the last two Scottish Parliaments. Gran would have been so happy and proud that the SNP look to have finally done it or at the very least, given Labour a kickin’.

Technorati Tags: elections, New Labour, Scottish Parliament, SNP, STV, voting