11 Jul, 2008
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A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year schoolchildren, using a bowl of fruit Polos. He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.
The children began to say:
‘Red………..cherry,’
‘Yellow……..lemon,’
‘Green………lime,’
‘Orange…….orange.’
Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
‘Well,’ he said ‘I’ll give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’ One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and yelled:
‘Oh My God!!!! They’re arse-holes!!’
Technorati Tags: funny, humor, humour, joke, Polos
10 Jul, 2008
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages! Video embedded below.
Did I mention it probably isn’t safe for work! Yes, it really is that good.
Technorati Tags: funny, humor, humour, The Website is Down
9 Jul, 2008
Technorati Tags: humor, humour, joke, marriage
9 Jul, 2008
When you walk out the door in the morning and see this in the sky…
Just go back in the house, pour another cup of coffee, and stay there. It probably isn’t going to be a good day.
Technorati Tags: humour, humor, joke
29 Jun, 2008
Photo by Osarugon over on Flickr
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, “Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?”
The shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level, and says, “Do you want a widdle wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwon wabbit over there?”
The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forwards and whispers, “I don’t weally fink my pyfon gives a phuk!”
Technorati Tags: jumour, humor, joke, rabbit
26 Jun, 2008
WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND:
Definitely not!
WIFE:
Why not - don’t you like being married?
HUSBAND:
Of course I do.
WIFE:
Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND:
Okay, I’d get married again.
WIFE:
You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND:
(makes audible groan).
WIFE:
Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND:
Sure, it’s a great house.
WIFE:
Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND:
Where else would we sleep?
WIFE:
Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND:
Probably, it is almost new
WIFE:
Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND:
That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WIFE:
Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND:
No, she’s left-handed.
WIFE:
- - silence - -
HUSBAND:
F*#K
Technorati Tags: humor, humour, joke, husband, wife
25 Jun, 2008
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.
He shouts ‘this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!’ and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. ‘Did anybody else here see my face?’.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.
‘Did anybody else see my face?’ he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner…………..’I think my missus caught a glimpse….’
Technorati Tags: bank raid, funny, humour, humor, joke
23 Jun, 2008
Just saw this clip on Rube Tube over on Channel 4 tonight:
The guy can dance.
Technorati Tags: Channel 4, dancing, Evolution of Dance, Rude Tube, YouTube
15 Jun, 2008
Something for Barnze from YouTube.
Technorati Tags: Barnze, cat fight, kitten, YouTube
10 Jun, 2008
Results of recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the Hallway you both say ’screw you.’
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And; Last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Australian Pension Sex.
* You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy your self.
PLEASE, DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.
I have enough problems
Technorati Tags: humour, humor, joke, sex
23 May, 2008
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’
‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband,’ said the wife.
The fairy waved her magic wand and — poof! Two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment, and then said, ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and — poof! The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.
Technorati Tags: fairy, funny, humour, humor, husband, wife
23 May, 2008
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
“What was that for?” the man asked.
The wife replied “That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket”.
The man then said “When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name
of the horse I bet on”
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied, “Your horse phoned!”
Technorati Tags: funny, humour, humor, joke
16 May, 2008
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,and all the patients seemed to be outside and were shouting ,’13…..13….13′.
The fence was too high to see over,but I saw a knot hole in one of the planks and looked through to see what was going on.
Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick then they all started shouting ‘14….14….14…’.
Technorati Tags: humour, humor, joke
11 May, 2008
A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman’s chair, and said in a rather stern voice, ‘Skippy!’
The woman thought, ‘This is great!’ and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.?
This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, ‘Skippy!’
Once again the woman smiled and thought ‘Yes!’
A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, ‘Skippy, get away from her, before she sh*ts on you!’
Technorati Tags: joke, humor, humour
6 May, 2008
Keep watching, even the credits!
Technorati Tags: boob implants, funny, humour, humour, Small talk
